ENGINEERS VS DOCTORS

7 Engineers and 7 Doctors are going from PUNE to Mumbai. So both groups gather at Pune Station.
Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority .
SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI):
------------ --------- --------- -------- ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- - -
7 engineers take only 1 Ticket and 7 doctors buy all 7 tickets..
Doctors are desperately waiting for TC to come......
When TC arrives,
All 7 Engineers get in one toilet so when TC knocks, one hand come out with the ticket and the TC goes

Away.....

NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct Train to PUNE. So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they can easily get a LOCAL to PUNE



SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA):
------------ --------- --------- ---- ------------ --------- --------- ------------ - -----------
Doctors decided, "this time we will prove that we too are equal"....All 7 Doctors take 1 Ticket Engineers don't buy any ticket at all!!!!!..

TC arrives....

ALL DOCTORS IN ONE TOILET.ALL ENGINEERS IN THE OPPOSITE.

One engineer gets out and knocks the door of Doctors toilet, One hand comes with the tickets, he takes the
ticket and comes in Engg. Bathroo! m... TC DRIVES out ALL the doctors from the toilet and they are heavily fined.


SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA): !
------------ --------- --------- --------- --
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Doctors planning their move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time doctors decide that they will play the same (1 ticket) trick.

ALL Doctors take 1 tickets...Engineers BUY all 7 tickets this time...
SO TC Comes.. All Engineers showed their tickets ............ ....... .....

Doctors are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train....... ....


Conclusion: Technically intelligent people are genius, don't mess with Engineers.

WHAT WONAN WANTS IN A MAN....

Original List:

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

What a woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 32)

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3 Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns a t least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

What a woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 52)

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10.Shaves most weekends

What a woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 62)

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't retell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10.Shaves some weekends

What a woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 72)

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4 Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10.Remembers that it's the weekend

What a woman Wants in a Man, Revised List (age 82)

1. Breathing
2. Doesn't miss the toilet.

--

....THE FEMALE....

1.The FEMALE always makes the rules.

2.The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notification...by the FEMALE.

3.No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.

4.If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES, she must immediately change some or all of them.

5.The FEMALE is never wrong.

6.If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the MALE did or said wrong.

7.The MALE must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstandings.

8.The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.

9.The MALE must never change his mind without the express written consent of the FEMALE.

10.The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11.The MALE must remain calm at all times, unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry or upset.

12.The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13.The Male is expected to "mind read" at all times.

14.The MALE who doesn't abide by THE RULES; can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp!

15.Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.

16.The FEMALE is ready when SHE is ready.

17.The MALE must be ready at ALL times

THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY A HANDGUN IS BETTER THEN A WOMEN....

#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.

#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN . . .
You can buy a silencer for a handgun.

OUR GREATEST SARDRD....

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.

Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Wife-Oye ji, Sunte Ho,Utho Utho,Raat ke 2 baje he.
Husband- itni rat ko Q...Uthaya Mujhe
Wife-Aap neend ki goli Lena to bhul Hi gaye..!

Santa : "Ek litre gaaye{cow} Ka Dhoodh Dena."
Banta : "Lekin Tumhara Bartan To Bahut Chhota Hai."
Santa :"Theek He To Fir BAKRI Ka De de.."


Interviewer>To bataiye PANI ke bina Insan kaise Marega?
Sardar>PANI nai hoga to Insan Tairega kaise? Aur Tairega nahi to doob jayega!

Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!

Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White


Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court.
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.


Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"


Why Sardar opens his lunch box in the middle of the road???
Just 2 confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office....


Son: papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar: ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..


Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.



Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!


Doctor to sardar patient : Ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai.
Sardar : Doctor saheb Pehle se zyada kharab ho gayi hai.
Doctor : dawai khali thi kya?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb. dawai ki shishi to bhari hui thi.
Doctor : Are Sardar ji mere kehne ka matlab hai ki, dawai le li thi kya.
Sardar : Ji, aapne dawai de di thi aur maine le li thi.
Doctor: Abe, dawai pili thi kya?
Sardar : Oho, nai doctor saheb dawai to lal thi.
Doctor : Abe GADHE, Dawai ko piliya tha kya?
Sardar : Nai. Doctor, Piliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor( in frustration) : Abe teri to, Dawai ko muh lagakar Pet me dala tha k nai?
Sardar : Nai doctor saheb.
Doctor : Kyon?
Sardar : Kyonki dhakkan band tha.
Doctor : Teri sale, to Khola kyon nai.
Sardar : Saheb, aapne hi to kaha tha ki, shishi ka dhakkan band rakhna.
Doctor : Tera ilaj main nai kar sakta.

THEY ARE THE STUDENT OF IIT.......

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could
not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had
gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car
burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in
no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days. They
thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as
this was a Special Condition Test, all four were required to sit in separate
classrooms for the test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the
last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the question Paper


Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... (2 MARKS)

Q.2. Which tire burst?

(98 MARKS)

a) Front Left b) Front Right
c) Back Left d) Back Right

ENGINEERS ARE ENGINEER.....

There was a good old barber in Bangalore. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies:-

I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am Doing a Community Service. Florist is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank You" Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A Confectioner goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber he again refuses to take the money. The Confectioner is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is another "Thank you" Card and a dozen Cakes waiting at his door.

A Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber again refuses the money saying that it was a community service.

The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there......

A Dozen Software engineers waiting for a free.......

......MODERN RAMAYANA......

Bada suna tha ayodiya ka naam. jahan rahte the GOD shree RAM king the vahan bhi ek , DASHRATH tha jinka naam. navabjade the ukne char BHARAT,LAKSHMAN,SHATRUGNA or SHREE RAM.charo farmate sleepwell k bistar par aram.masti mein charo jite thai kyonki daily limca jo pite thai.kuch dino badh vahnn koi letter aya.VALMIKI ne unhe training par bulaya.
DASHRATH ne charo ko bulvaya or yaha order farmaya. DASHRATH bola putraon jadi pahan lo raymond k suit, bata k buut,tumhari shyam vali flight kahin jaye na chuth.bata k shoe pahan kar sab ho gaye tayyar.ab to bas shyam vali flight ka tha intzar.VALMIKI k yaan pahuch te hi sabko pilayi cocacola,VALMIKI aya or sabko hi-hello bola.agle din VALMIKI ne di sabko advice videocon k tiir kharide ve hai sab se nice,samsung ka kaman khareda uska kam hai price.
class khatam hote hi kuch dino mein pura hua course. train ayodiya station par ayi.charo ne ek kachori khayi or ghar ko dor lagayi. dhire dhire sita ki shadi ka time aya , JANAK ne yahh message SHREE RAM tak pahuchaya.RAM pahle thode sharmaye, fir thoda lajjayen, fir lux se nahayen ponds cream k ki malish, ki liberty shoes par polish, perfume k ki kapdo par bhochar or ho gaye taiyyar. jaise hi indica ne banglalow par pahuchaya , drawing room mein ek bada sa dhanush paya.jaise hi RAM ne SITA ko dund ne k liye apni nazar idhar udhar dali.puchne par paya gaya SITA gayi thi beauty parler , fir sabhi candi ko pilayi gayi coffee kyonki danush todne k compitition mein ab samay nahi tha baki.sabhi ne yaad kiya apne apne god ko koi bhi na thod paya fevicol ke jodh ko.dhire dhire RAM ki bari ayi , sabse pahle unhone ek sode ki bottle mangvayi. pite hi ek botal soda aissa nasha chaya ki pal bhar mein dhanuch thod dala.
SITA ki ho gayi jhat mangni paat biyaha or dahej mein de di gayi do mercedes car.
udha DASHRATH ko ye farman sunana pada SITA or RAM ko 14 varsh ke honey moon par jana pada ,udhar DASHRATH ne ek city mobile RAM ko thama diya or hotel panchvati mein ek room book kara diya. kuch dino badh mini skirt mein SURPARNKHA ayi. dekh RAM ko killer type mein muskurayi jab SURPARNKHA ne LAKSHMAN par buri nazar dali , LAKSHMAN ne uski naak kat dali. udhar SURPARNKHA kinetic par savar ho bethi. SITA ko kidnep karo is baat par ard bethi. udhar RAM or LAKSMAN ke picche se RAVAN helicpoter le kar aya or dur khadi SITA ko apne pas bulaya. SITA ko bha gaya helicopter ka naya model. SITA boli hai RAVAN koi nai film dikhane le chal. udha SITA k ghum ho jane par LAKSHMAN ne police mein report likhavayi. durabin or mic se gali gali mein avaj lagayi. itne mein HANUMAN lekar aya khabar ek dum right, SITA or RAVAN dekh rahe hai maya mandir mein sunny deol ki fight, fir sabne apni apni banduk uthayi ,itne mein picche se SUGRIV ki avaj ayi.
pahle mere pas aoo britania tigar k biscuit khao fir ladayi mein jao. uddha mein RAM ne kiya RAVAN ko challenge , RAVAN bola bahiya please kar lo teer x-change. are teer x-change to ek bahana tha. daresal RAVAN ko RAM ke hathon svarg ko jo jana tha. udhha hua khatam. RAM or RAVAN ki sena boli.
"WE ARE ALL FRIENDS
YAHIN KHATAM HUA
MODERN RAMAYANA KA AANT"

......HUM KYA BATAYE INHONE UNKA KITNA KHAYAL RAKKHA THA......

@FUN@

~~hum kya bataye inhone unka kitna khayal rakkha tha
jab vo school mein padte thi to mungfali vo khud khaya karti thi
chhilke unse uthvaya karti thi.
un chhilke k boron ko aj tak unhone unki chhat par
sambhal kar rakkha hai


hum kya bataye inhone unka kitnaa khayal rakkha hai.


~~jab vo college mein aye to apni saheli ki sari udhar
mangkar pahan kar aye.
usne apni sari jhadi mein uljhayi , us sari k liye
unhone apni wagonR bikvayi , vaha sari to nahi
uske faul ko almari mein aj tak
sambhal kar rakkha hai.


hum kya bataye inhone unka kitnaa khayal rakkha hai.


~~ek din raat ko chori chori chupke vo humse milne ayi
thodi sharmayi , thodi lajjayi , tabhi usne uski
zulfon ko hamare kanddhon par rakkha.
un zulfon se ek ju ka joda hamare kandhon par aa gira
in juon ko to nahi unki auladon ko aj tak sambhal kar rakkha hai.


hum kya bataye inhone unka kitnaa khayal rakkha hai.

......JUST REMEMBER THOSE FUNNY DAYS......

1. On being Late:

"Kab shuru hui class?"
"Attendance ho gayi kya??"
"Kal raat der tak gappe marte rahe yaar"
"Aab nind nahi khuli to mein kya karu.......... bolna ....... kal kya
padaya tha isne"
"Ek page de na........... abey pen bhi to de, nahi to kisse
likhunga......."
" koi subah kaise aa sakta hai........"
"wo bhi iss class ke liye "


2. During the lecture:

"Yesss!!!! Sirrr.......The answer is
........huuuummmmm.......aaaaaaaa............."
"No sir.....I know the answer ......sir...."
"Saala apne aapko Newton samajta hai"
"Abe lecture ko maar goli..... Anjali kya lag rahi hai aaj........"
"Uski tshirt pe kya likha hai dekh"
"Uske bagal mein nahi baith sakta tha kya.......gadha......."
"Kya bore kar raha hai. Bola tha canteen chalte hain .."
"Heads, we go canteen , Tails, we go now!!!"


3. Lab:

"Expt. 2 likha??"
"last time tu aaya the kya?""
"Karna kya hai??"
"Yeh bhai.....merko pata hota to tere pass kyon aata........"
"Areee tu to bura maan gaya .......chal dikha na.....bhau kyo kata
hai...."


4. Sessionals Test:

"sessionals test???? ......Aree yaar...... "
"Kya....... abe unit test mein itna sara topic hai to final mein kya
hoga...."
"Oye Sushil kaha hai......uska roll number mere baad hai.......wo nahi
aaya to mein pakka fail...."
After test......
"yaar pada tha....recall nahi kar paya.......chhod na ....... Canteen
chalega..." SAHI !!


5. For attendance

"I was in the class, attendence bolna bhool gaya "
"Oye usko thoda khush kar list se tera naam hata dega........."
"Bola tha proxy regularly maar........ Saale tera class karne ka kya
faida hua....."


6. Late submission of assignments:

" Maine us ko bola thaa ki copy karke mera assgnment bhi saath mein
submit kar dena"
"Ab mein kya karu usne mereko bole bina hi submit kar diya........"
"They should allow XEROX........sala system hi kharab hai "


7 . After exam:

"Yeh bhi syllabus mein thaa kya? Shitt..."
"kya bol raha hai yaar..aise karna tha kya"
"1st mein 3 marks.....2nd mein 0.......3rd mein 2.......
Gaya..........fail pakka......."
"Yaar notice lagte hi hata dena.........wo kya soochegi mera marks dekh
kar......"


8 . VIVA (b4 exam):

"Submission ab tak hua nahi hai , VIVA kya ghanta doonga"
"Aeee.......Akash......terese kya kya poocha....mood kaisa hai.."
"External ke ghar mein bacche nahi hai kya......."
"Dekh Boss!! external bhi aadmi hai. Usko pata hai students ki ab tak
preparation nahi hui hai"


9 . Submission:

"Ye bhi chhapna hai kya?"
"kaat kaat ke likh le...kaon padhta hai"
"Iska bhi print-out lena hai kya?"
"Jai ho computer baba ki......jai ho Ctrl C - Ctrl V ki......."
"Tujhe Sir ka sign aata hai kya?"


10 .Copying Assignments:

"Ye tune kya likha hai????"
(The best one)
"Jo word samajh mein aa raha hai woh likh, jo nahi samajh mein aa raha
hai uska drawing nikal"
"Phir bhi, kuch to idea hoga??"
" Maine uska likha hai, mera assignment check ho gaya, tu bhi wohi kar."
"Koi hint........"
"Are baba ghaseet de........na tu samjega na wo........."


11. Exam:

"Jo (mujhe) aata hai, woh (paper mein)aata nahi hai; jo nahi aata hai
woh NAHI aata hai" ..VERY VERY TRUE !!
"ye question 2 saal se nahi poochha hai yaar....to ab kya poochenge"
"ye last time hi poochha thaa......is baar nahi aana chahiye"
"tere paas is ke notes hai??"
"Neend aa rahi mujhe to...thodi der so jata hoo..utha diyo pakka"
"woh chapter... mark weightage 6 marks... (facial ex-pressions speaks
the story)"
"nahi samjha to rat le" - PERFECT ONE
"Iss paper mein roll number ke kya order hai........"
"Ek aur din ka gap de dete to kya 3rd World War ho jata tha kya........."
I AGREE !! !!


This one is dedicated to all my friends:


"bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai
Aaj har wo din jeene ko man karta hai.
kuch buri batein jo ab acchi lagti hain
kuch batein jo kal ki hi batein lagti hain.
abki baar class attend karne ka man karta hai
Dopahar ki class mein aakhein band karne ko man karta hai.
Doston ke room ki wo baatein yaad aati hai
exam ke time pe wo hasi mazak yaad aati hai,
college ke paas Jaggi ka dhabe ki yaad aati hai
tab ki bekar lagne wali photos chehre pe hasi laati hai.
Apni galtiyon pe tumse daat khana yaad aata hai.
Par tumhari galti dekhne ka ab bhi mann karta hai.
Ek aisi subah uthne ka mann karta hai
bas ek bar wapas lautne ka man karta hai.
bas ek bar aur
wapas lautne ka man karta hai."

......THE UNLUCKY BOYS......

@fun@

~If a girl laughs , she is a jolly person.

If a boy laughs , he is a mannerless.

~If a girl talks , she is witty.

If a boy talks , he is chatter box.

~If a girls loves silence , she is serious.

If a boy loves silence , he is dull.

~If a gil looks at a man , she gives a glare.

If a boy looks at a girl , he is a stare.

~If a girl wears a unique dress , it is a fashion.

If a boy wears a unique dress , he is a joker.

~If a girl group moves together , they join a company.

If a boy group moves together , they becomes a gang.

~~ oh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*How unlucky boys are , aren't they..*

......:( smile please ):......

1>@fun@
{ yo newton}

kya ap jante hai ki mahan scientist newton ne sucide kyon kiya ? javab janana chayte ho to suno....>>>
mana jata hai ki vo ek bar bharat aye thai or galti se south ki star rajnikant ki film dekh betthe.rajnikat ke anokhen kartabo ke samne unhen apna knowledge kafi kam laga. aisa unhone kya dekh liya chalo dekhte hai>>>>
ek scene mein vo gunddo se bhid jate hai. laikin unki banduk mein goli nahi hoti hai. achnak ek gunda un par goli chla deta hai rajnikant apni banduk khol uss goli ko apni banduk mein le lete hai or ushi goli se gundo ko shoot kar dete hai..
ek or film mein rajnikant ko brain tumor hota hai. doctor ne unke marne ki goshna kar di thi. ushi dohran vai gundo se bhid jate hai or ek goli unke kano se gusti hui tumor mein hookar nikal jate hai...

or or or or .. kya hona tha,
rajnikant thik ho jate hai..

2>@fun@
{yo chemistry class}

??chemistry k ek student ko pyar ho gaya jarha dekhein vo apne pyar ka ejhhar kaise karta hai>>>>>
ek din practical k waqt najar ayi ek ladki
sundar si nose uski test tube jaisi
baton mein uske glucose si mithas thi
sason mein ethar si khushbu samaye thi
aankhon mein radium sa ehsass hua
aankhan ladi , reaction hua.


fir lagne lage uske ghar k chakkar aise,
nucleus k charo or electron jaise.

ek din hamare test ka information tha
jab uske dad se mera introduction tha
humare baatein sunkar vo aise uchle
jaise ignetion tube mein sodium bhadak uthai.

bolae hosh mai aaoo, pahchano apni aukat
iron kabhi mil nahi sakta gold k sath

is tharah tuth gaya humare armano ka beaker
hum to chup hi rahe , aldehide ka kadva gunt pikar
jindgi ho gayi unsaturated hydrocarban ki tarha
idhar udhar gumta raha avara hydrogen ki tarha.